


In your light I learn how to love

by apidologist



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Blow Jobs, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Messy, Sleepy Cuddles, also dirk is trans and autistic as per my usual. just fyi, they are dorks and they love each other, warning: totally corny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 15:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apidologist/pseuds/apidologist
Summary: Dirk took a thoughtful sip of his own drink, looking right into Todd’s eyes and searching for the right words. He leaned forward a little in his armchair and said, “I feel like there’s something going on, lately, and there are a lot of, well, signals I can’t quite understand. And it’s occurring more and more, and it’s only when you’re here. Is it just a universe thing I haven’t worked out yet, or...is something happening?”Todd was definitely ready for something to happen. He might not have been ready to admit it out of the blue, though.





	In your light I learn how to love

**Author's Note:**

> Fully blaming my sweet (but nasty) partner [Vernets](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vernets) for this one.

This time, when they arrived home after thankfully not having been killed yet again in one of the unnecessarily inventive and exceedingly gory ways the universe kept thinking up for them, it was different. Stepping out of the car, Todd invited Dirk up to his apartment as he usually did at the end of a case, knowing Dirk needed the reassurance that Todd wouldn’t immediately disappear, wouldn’t want to leave him on his own now that the fun was over, and also aware that they were both far too wired to sleep for at least a few more hours. Dirk, as he usually did, accepted.

They thought they’d make some coffee, pour a few drinks, whatever was appropriate for the time of day - whatever time of day it was, anyway. It was dark, for a start. Halfway up the stairs, when the automatic lights were slow to react and Dirk lost his footing, he grabbed hold of Todd’s forearm with a scream and they both fell against the wall.

Dirk, after catching his breath, began to speak, to apologize for his clumsiness and for his reliance on Todd to catch him and how their bodies were pressed together, breathing together, in the darkness, but the light finally flickered on as he opened his mouth, and he merely stood there, a stupid expression on his face, fingers loose around Todd’s wrist.

Todd blinked against the filament light, looking amused at Dirk’s expression, feeling stupidly entranced by Dirk’s clumsiness, his reliance on him, how he’d been knocked against the wall with Dirk’s breath on his cheek for a two-second infinity.

“You okay?” he made sure.

“Me? Yeah. Fine! The light - sorry, I--” he dropped Todd’s wrist nervously and peeled himself a respectable distance away. “Sorry, Todd.”

“Gonna make it the rest of the way?”

“Think so.” Dirk smiled sheepishly and headed up the next flight.

They made their way inside, where Todd cracked a beer and poured Dirk a glass of brandy, knowing his post-case preference (it made him warm and drowsy, and brought a glow to his cheeks which Todd found very difficult to tear his own tired eyes from).

Sipping their drinks, they discussed the case, getting sidetracked by mutual compliments (“That was so brave of you, Todd!” or “Thanks for letting me know I’d get kidnapped ahead of time, Dirk.”) and making each other laugh, still slightly hysterical, finding ways to cope with their memories of the danger they’d been in just hours before.

But the conversation had to die down eventually. Todd watched Dirk fiddle with the end of his tie for a few moments, and before he could stop himself, asked, “Do you _ever_ take your tie off?”

“I’m sure you’ve seen me without it.”

“Well, yeah, I guess, but not because you wanted to be.”

He shrugged, loosened it, like it was some kind of compromise, and popped the second button. “I do. To change into another one.”

“Makes sense.” It didn’t make sense for Todd’s mouth to go dry just from seeing a tiny bit of Dirk’s undershirt or an extra inch of his neck. He took a quick swig of beer and tried for a casual grin, but realized too late that smiling was just the thing to put Dirk on his guard.

“Are you alright, Todd?” His head cocked sideways, his mouth pouted downwards and his eyebrows bent upwards. His ‘on-the-case’ face - adorable, if nothing like the piercing stare of your typical detective.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s nothing.”

Dirk took a thoughtful sip of his own drink, looking right into Todd’s eyes and searching for the right words. He leaned forward a little in his armchair and said, “I feel like there’s something going on, lately, and there are a lot of, well, signals I can’t quite understand. And it’s occurring more and more, and it’s only when you’re here. Is it just a universe thing I haven’t worked out yet, or...is something _happening_?”

Todd was definitely _ready_ for something to happen. He might not have been ready to admit it out of the blue, though. “What do you mean?”

“Like, is this feeling happening for you, too? And do you know what it means?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Todd lied, immediately feeling terrible for it.

Dirk nodded silently and looked away from him. “Probably just something for me to work out on my own, then. Best not to worry about it now.” He sat back, downing his drink and fidgeting with the empty glass. Todd stood and took it from his hands, giving himself something to do and minimizing the chance of Dirk dropping it on the floor.

“Want another?” he asked, making for the kitchen.

“Er, no, no thank you, Todd. In fact, I think I’ll be off. It’s all starting to catch up with me, I think.”

“Oh, um, okay.” Todd tried to be nonchalant, but his heart sank, and he could tell Dirk was hurt. “Have a good night, yeah?”

“You too,” Dirk gave the brightest smile he could manage, and moved for the door, pulling on his jacket as he went.

“Uh, Dirk…” Todd began. Dirk turned back, hopeful. _Dammit_. “Do you...want me to come get you up tomorrow? I’m sure Farah will want to recap.”

“Oh! Sure, thank you. Good night, then.” He slipped behind the door with a last little smile. Todd couldn’t handle it. He was frozen in place, indecisive. With a feeling like an electric shock through his body, he bounded toward the door and flung it open, shouting Dirk’s name.

Dirk jumped and turned back once again. “What’s wrong?!”

They walked toward one another, meeting in the middle of the hall. “Nothing, just - God, I’m sorry. Yeah, before, I lied. I’m so sorry. Reflex, I guess,” he grimaced.

Dirk looked confused. “When, I mean...what? I don’t understand.”

Todd sighed. “Whether or not I’m willing to admit it, yeah, I feel like something _is_ happening. Like, something I feel like I can’t control. Something I don’t really want to try to control any more.” He looked up at Dirk, hoping any of this made sense.

Dirk’s eyes grew round and bright.

“So...” Todd faltered. He stepped forward a little more so that they were toe to toe. “If it’s alright with you, I’m gonna let it happen.”

Dirk nodded quickly, unblinking, making a little gasp when Todd grabbed hold of his tie and pulled him down for a kiss.

They broke apart after a few seconds, noses still touching. Dirk bit his lip against a brilliant grin and felt brave enough to place his hands on Todd’s waist.

“Is...er, is that it?” asked Dirk when Todd hadn’t immediately continued to kiss him.

“That’s it for the hallway.” He smiled and tilted his head back towards the door of his apartment, which Dirk practically bounded for after catching his meaning.

Todd stepped through behind him and closed the door, immediately feeling Dirk’s hands on his shoulders, spinning him around and pressing him against it before swooping down for a kiss, and then many kisses, all enthusiasm. He was surprised to find that Dirk caught on so quickly, that he wasn’t more shy or hesitant - but then, he supposed Dirk had probably been swept up by stranger things in his life than a kiss from his best friend.

Dirk, meanwhile, had been waiting for this for a long time. Not that he’d _predicted_ it would happen. He’d just hoped really, _really_ hard.

“This is _even_ nicer than I th-- than I, er…”

“It’s okay,” said Todd, a hand on his cheek, “I imagined it, too.” He kissed the corner of Dirk’s mouth as it turned up, his secret smile that Todd had been seeing more and more of lately. “Kind of a lot.”

“Really,” Dirk breathed, dipping his head to kiss Todd’s neck while fumbling with his shirt buttons. “And what else did you imagine?”

“More than you can accomplish in one night.”

Dirk bit his collarbone teasingly and slid his thigh between Todd’s legs, making a very approving noise when Todd couldn’t help but rub against him. Language, at that point, became difficult to produce, as they were mainly preoccupied with moaning (at the most eloquent) each other’s names. Dirk sucked a dark bruise onto Todd’s chest, and to retaliate, Todd pulled Dirk’s hair hard enough to make him whine. When their lips met again, Dirk, becoming more confident by the second, licked deeply into Todd’s mouth and allowed his hands to wander. They slowed and came to rest at the zip of Todd’s jeans until being helped along by Todd, who was unwilling to break the intensity of their kiss, but needing far more than he was getting. He grunted in frustration and quickly pushed down his jeans, and Dirk made an ‘ _mm!_ ’ of appreciation when his hand finally closed around Todd’s cock, hard and hot through the fabric of his boxers.

Todd pulled Dirk’s hair, pressing him even closer and thrusting into his hand, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that this was really happening, and he could taste the hint of brandy on Dirk’s tongue drawing him in, and could feel his usually uncertain hands reducing Todd into something wholly desperate and needy for him.

After a minute or so of this, feeling pretty good about how things were going so far, Dirk dropped to his knees without warning, almost surprising himself. His eyebrows shot up as if he had suddenly realized what he could do from this position that he couldn’t have done standing. Arousal shot through him like adrenaline, almost painful, prickling at his skin, heart pounding all the way to his fingertips.

Todd saw his expression, his eyes squinting shut, which he misinterpreted for discomfort, hesitation.

“Dirk,” he panted, “I mean, if this is - if it’s too fast - you don’t have to if you don’t want--”

“I want to,” he said intensely, staring up at Todd and clasping his hand. “I want to give you everything, I would give you the whole universe, Todd.” He kissed his knuckles. “I love you.”

Todd’s eyes prickled a bit. He wasn’t expecting _that_. He didn’t need to be told twice, however, and placed his hand on Dirk’s cheek. “God, you really are amazing.”

Dirk looked down with a blush. “Alright, alright,” he shook his head, then leaned forward, slowly, far too slowly, and rubbed his mouth along the front of Todd’s boxers. They both groaned, more loudly than intended. Dirk smiled sheepishly, bit his lip and looked up with a helpless shrug, but Todd’s eyelids had fluttered shut, his head knocking back against the door.

He leaned forward again with a hand on Todd’s thigh and mouthed along his shaft, dampening the thin fabric separating them and mentally cataloguing all the little noises, the whines and grunts barely escaping Todd’s lips. He became distracted when he realized some of the noises were actually coming from him, humming and moaning in appreciation and in anticipation of taking Todd’s cock in his mouth and _really_ getting him going.

Pulling lightly at Todd’s waistband, he softly asked, “May I?”

“Please,” Todd breathed, “Oh, God, _please_ , Dirk…”

Dirk didn’t need to be told twice, either, though he catalogued his own response to Todd begging him and promised himself to do further research into this subject at a later time. He pulled Todd’s underwear down a little at a time, kissing his stomach, his hips, his upper thighs, before sitting back to admire him.

“Maybe I shouldn’t admit how much time I’ve spent contemplating this moment,” Dirk said. “Fantasizing about it,” he corrected with a blush.

“Th-that’s ridiculous, Dirk,” Todd managed.

“But all this, you, everything, it’s all so much better than I ever dreamed. Than I ever thought I could deserve.”

“I could say the exact same thing. You’re so good - so good to me,” Todd said, slightly choked-up, betraying the emotion under his arousal.

Dirk’s blush deepened at the praise. “I’m trying, Todd.”

Todd reached down to pet his hair, but his hand shook, and Dirk took that as a hint to get on with it and tell Todd how wonderful he was afterwards. Slowly, he licked and kissed all the way up to the tip of him, which was flushed hot and red with wanting. Feeling Dirk’s mouth on him, his breath against his oversensitive skin, Todd made an almost pained noise, thighs twitching with the effort of holding still and keeping him upright.

“Oh, Todd,” he whispered, before taking him in his mouth, taking as much as he knew he could and then a little more. He wanted to say how good Todd was, tell him everything he felt, how much it pleased him to do this for him, how he had wished for this for so, so long, but he found the current situation made speaking difficult. He would just have to do his best and hope Todd understood.

Todd held the back of Dirk’s head in one of his hands, cradling it, trying not to push or pull too much. His other hand was entwined with Dirk’s, and he wouldn’t have let go for the world.

“This isn’t gonna last very long,” he grated out.

“Mm- _hmm_ ,” was all Dirk could say in response. Still, it sounded a little smug. His head bobbed with renewed vigor, pouring all his concentration into the task. The hand not clutching Todd’s for dear life came up to stroke him, single-minded, merciless.

Tremors ran through Todd’s thighs, and Dirk risked a glance upwards to see his face, screwed up with the effort of holding out just a little longer. Strands of hair stuck to his forehead. His lashes fluttered. Dirk could’ve watched him all day, and goodness knows what his attention span was like.

Suddenly he tensed, squeezing Dirk’s hand almost painfully, and whispered, “I-I’m, Dirk, I--”

Todd interrupted himself with a sound which Dirk could only describe as _the_ most beautiful thing he had ever heard. Dirk pulled his mouth away, tightening his grip and finishing him with a few hard pumps of his fist, and Todd came across Dirk’s chest with a shout, dirtying his shirt and tie. Dirk felt another spike of arousal go through him, too intense to be pleasurable, too strong to ignore, now, and shoved his hand into his trousers. He was in such a state that he had finished himself off before Todd could sink down and join him.

“Fuck,” said Todd, slumped against the door. “Thank you. God, you’re something.”

Dirk heated up all over again at the praise. When he caught his breath, he replied, “So are _you_.”

“Sorry about your clothes,” said Todd, stifling a grin. “Well, that wasn’t all me,” he said, noticing the wet spot darkening Dirk’s trousers.  
  
“Shush,” he replied. “I couldn’t wait any longer, you were so...” He broke off, the memory of Todd’s moans and gasps still fresh in his mind.

“I guess...I’ll just have to remember I owe you one.”

Dirk couldn’t keep his grin at bay when he realized the implication of that sentence: that there would be a next time, and that Todd wanted him, too. He grabbed Todd’s face in both hands and kissed him passionately.

Todd laughed, batting him off. They looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, then Dirk broke away, starting to gingerly remove his tie and attempt to make himself presentable. Todd watched him crumple the tie into a ball, cheeks pink, remembering their earlier conversation.

“I...I should go, I should clean up. And sleep. Definitely should sleep.” Dirk began to stand on uncertain legs, fussing with his belt buckle.

“I’d rather you stayed,” said Todd, tired of biting back his feelings and newly emboldened. “Shower’s yours. You can borrow some clothes.”

“You want me to…” His head tilted to one side and his forehead wrinkled. “Stay...the night?” he tried.

“I mean, you’ve done it before.” Todd stood as well, hiking up his boxers and trying not to trip over his jeans as he stepped out of them.

“Yes, but, _well_ , Todd, this isn’t exactly _like_ before!”

Todd sighed, his emboldened-ness already starting to evaporate in the face of Dirk Gently’s need to be told things overtly. “Okay, um. So, if this wasn’t totally clear, after all _that_ , basically, I’m really into you, Dirk.”

Dirk’s head tilted in the other direction this time, but he said nothing.

“Uh, and I love you too,” he added. His throat felt very dry. “Every time you’ve ever come up here, after we’ve solved a case, I’ve wanted to ask you to stay. Not just for...the best blowjob of my life. I want to fall asleep with you, and wake up next to you, and make you as much tea as it takes for you to function in the morning.”

Dirk was quiet, but blinking fast and thinking faster. “Todd,” he finally said, “I do need a _lot_ of tea, though.”

“I said, ‘as much as it takes.’”

“Alright, then.” He tried to stifle his secret smile again. “I’ll just be a minute.” He stepped into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked open, and started the shower.

Todd, heart still beating from the anxiety all this honesty was bringing him, went into the kitchen to scrub his face and down a glass of water. This helped him recover enough to find some clean shorts, a t-shirt, and a towel, which he left on the bathroom counter for Dirk. He then got ready for bed, turned off the lights and turned on his bedside lamp, and tried to make himself comfortable, which proved to be a far greater feat than it normally was. Given the circumstances, he really should’ve been a lot more relaxed. Todd blushed vividly at the thought that he was twitching with the anticipation of simply sleeping with Dirk - it was somehow more intimate than what they had just done, even more so than saying the words ‘I love you.’ It was like a confirmation that all this was really happening, one which Todd had realized he desperately needed.

Of course, Dirk chose that moment to step out of the bathroom in a puff of steam, hair fluffy and shampooed, looking awkward and a little shy in Todd’s underclothes. “This is possibly the most I’ve ever looked forward to going to sleep!” he said with a sigh, not noticing Todd’s deepening blush. “Hope your bed’s as comfortable as your sofa.”

“Not with you in it it won’t be,” Todd said, trying for levity as he lifted the covers for Dirk. They made room around each other, the small spaces between them hot with near-contact, until Todd’s shin knocked against Dirk’s knee, setting off an entire chain reaction of clumsy touches between them.

“Okay,” said Todd, vaguely bemused at having ended up entwined with Dirk in a way that was more haphazard than pleasant. “Maybe, uh, if-” 

“Will you kiss me again?” Dirk interrupted.

“That might work,” Todd considered.

When he leaned forward, the gears of the universe clicked into place again, and their limbs sorted themselves out and held each other tightly, and Todd noted the smell of his own clothes, his own shampoo, but still Dirk underneath, bright like rays of sun on skin, warming him as their lips softly met.

“I think it did,” smiled Dirk.

Todd reached to turn off the bedside lamp, and kissed Dirk’s nose on the way back down. “Thank you for staying.”

Their hands clasped between them, and Dirk took a shaky breath in. “Thank _you_ , Todd,” he whispered, “for everything.”


End file.
